3 Mulligans

Lunch:

• bag of food, add ham +50¢
• fried tiny sandwiches
• shredded fare
• donut flight
• pork smiles
• Lifelike™ vegetarian hot dogs

Cheeses, ass’t; dugong, hamster, meerkat, and dove cheeses available in the following shapes:

• cheese wheel
• cheese wedge
• cheese shim
• cheese strut
• cheese sixagon
• cheese puddle
• cheese lattice

Drinks:

• kopi luwak coffee (coffee fruit that is partly digested by civets and then collected and roasted)
• civet-elephant-monkey coffee (coffee fruit that is first digested by civets, then elephants, then monkeys, then roasted)
• panda dung tea

Brunch:

• Rocky Mountain oysters
• Rocky Mountain acorns
• Rocky Mountain pudding
• hamster sacs

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I have loved Indian food.
And I have always been very intimidated to try cooking it.
My friend Barney, who is a vegetarian, and just an amazing cook, can make Indian food that would make Ghandi become a glutton.

One of my favorite dishes is Chicken Tikka Masala.
Pretty involved, but most of my recipes are…that’s what makes them fun.
But another caught my eye on a food blog.
Christ, I have almost as many food blogs bookmarked as porn sites…almost.
Rasamalaysia has some great recipes, beautiful photography, and its wonderfully addictive.
So, when I saw Butter Chicken, I wasn’t impressed at first.
Until I read the ingredients.
Very much like a Masala but with a nice twist.
I made it to the recipe the first time but then added a few things.
Basically, its 2 parts.
The marinade for the chicken, and then the sauce it finishes cooking in.
It’s all very easy, just a few ingredients were tough to find.
Hopefully, there is a place that sells Indian spices near you.
If not, you might have to go to that http://www.internet.http thing I have heard so much about.

Ingredients:

4 good sized, boneless, skinless, chicken breasts
Juice of 2 lemons
A few shakes of red chili powder
2 cups thick yogurt. You can find it in Indian supermarkets.
Or maybe a greek yogurt would work too.
but then it would be a Greekian recipe…or Indieek.
Just find the right stuff.
2 tablespoons grated ginger
AT LEAST 2 tablespoons minced garlic
3 tablespoons tandoori masala
Now the spice place I went to did not have this.
So, after I straiffed the place with my nerf rifle, the owner informed me I could use Tandoori paste instead. This is just wonderful stuff! I used more than it called for…probably close to 5 tablespoons since its less concentrated than the dry version.
Now that’s the marinade.
Partially freeze the chicken so when you cube it, it cuts easier.
1 inch cubes are good, no smaller as you are going to grill them on wooden skewers that I forgot you should be soaking in water overnight.
Combine the chicken and all the other ingredients together in a bag(except the skewers…they might puncture it) and let sit overnight in this amazing bath.

The sauce can be made now or tomorrow when the chicken is ready.

6 tablespoons butter
6 cardamoms
2 cinnamon sticks
6 cloves
I large can tomato puree
1 large can crushed tomatoes
3 tablespoons tomato paste.
1 tablespoon honey…only from Floyd Lem!
2 tablespoons dried fenugreek leaves…Ha! Good luck with that one
2 cups heavy cream

Melt butter and add cardamoms, cinnamon sticks, and cloves.
Cook slowly until the butter begins to brown and spices begin cook out a little. Stir a lot to keep butter from burning.
NOT THAT MUCH!
There…thats better.
Stir in tomato paste and let cook for a few minutes, stirring all the time just to cook out the rawness of the paste.
Add the rest of the ingredients except for the cream and cook about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes.
It should start to thicken a little.
Add room temperature cream and cook on low for another 15 minutes or so.

So at this point, you have to add the chicken.
NOT YET…YOU HAVE TO GRILL IT FiRST!
Make skewers of the chicken chunks and grill on all sides until nicely cooked with some light black char marks.

Add to sauce and bring to simmer for around 1/2 an hour.
Serve over Basmati or Jasmine rice.
Perfect.
You can freeze the sauce for up to 1/4 century.

One of my new favorites.

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Tried a new restaurant last week.
Took Hilary and her mother Ann out to Dish in La Canada.
No…its not the L.A. to Canada freeway but it is in California.
Anyway, food and service were just awesome.
But what I really enjoyed was my drink.
I wanted to have a Mimosa but this other caught my eye…and what a nice surprise.
It was called a Ruby.
3 ingredients.
Champagne, fresh grapefruit juice and grapefruit infused vodka.
I am sure you could use regular vodka for this too.
What a great drink this was!
Very dry and refreshing…try it next Sunday!

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This was called Panang Tofu Curry before I hacked it up so I wasn’t sure what to call it now. How about Death To Skippy Tofu Curry. Yee-Hah! Bring the kids! This will make 5 servings, so if you double it your skillet will need to be massive and awesome.

2 T. olive oil
1/2 cup chopped shallots, not too fine
2 T. thinly sliced ginger root
4 garlic cloves finely chopped
1/4 cup natural peanut butter, please don’t cheat this, keep it natural, note the recipe’s name
2 t. turmeric
2 t. cumin
1 cup water
1 – 13 oz. can coconut milk
3 T. fresh lime juice
1 T. brown sugar
2 – 14 oz. packs firm tofu, drained, sliced into small cubes, and dried
4 medium to large carrots sliced
2 leeks sliced thin
1 large red bell pepper chopped
salt, ground pepper, garam masala to taste

Heat oil over medium-high heat.  Add shallots, ginger, garlic.  Cook until shallots are tender but keep them moving.  Stir in peanut butter, turmeric, and cumin and cook about 2 minutes.  Whisk in water, coconut milk, lime juice and brown sugar and bring to a simmer.  Add tofu, carrots, leek and red pepper.  Simmer over medium heat for 25 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Season with salt (I added almost 2 t.), pepper, and garam masala (love this stuff, added two heaping teaspoons).  Serve with brown rice.

I thought there was too much tofu but Gayle and the kids didn’t. If I make it again I’ll cut back on the tofu, add more carrots and red pepper and squirt in some hot chili paste. Now there’s a ‘Wednesday Night At 610 Gott’ dish to pass!

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Oi!
So here is the project I relaxed with after renovating the apartment.
I am giving you a video that shows how to fold the wrappers but don’t use his recipe because he doesn’t have a personality and he is fat. Use mine…its better!

1 whole napa cabbage or 1 1/2 green regular cabbage.
You want to shred this in a food processor with a chainsaw…make sure its a McCulloch…then put it in a sieve with some salt to draw out the water.
Let sit about an hour, then push, squeeze, press the cabbage.
2 pounds ground pork.
1 1/2 tabs(that’s tablespoons, by the way) micro planned or grated fresh ginger.
6 or 41 cloves of garlic (likes my garlic) Mince the fuckers.
1/2 or 1 cup chopped green onions…you decide.
2 tablespoons miso paste, dark if you can find it but light if you can’t. If you can’t find miso paste, move to another state – now!
1 tab(see above for trans….that’s translation) sesame oil.
1 tab crushed red pepper flakes.
1 teaspoon or 1 tablespoon brown sugar….its all dynamic…just go with it.
Some ground fresh pepper.
3 tabs(I know….just go with it) Soy sauce
3 tabs(oh fuck it) rice wine or dry white wine. Rice is better….just find it!

Dump all that shit in a big bowl and get your hands involved.
Stick in fridge overnight (fridge is short for refrigerator) covered with plastic wrap.

Remember…if the shit is cold, the pot stickers will fold.

Now to the video…
http://www.howcast.com/videos/183482-How-To-Make-a-Chinese-Potsticker
It’s really easy…I made a shitload of these in a drunken stupor listening to Counting Crows the other night. Just can’t find them now. Know I made them…maybe they will turn up when we find the bats that we lost in the house.

Oh….for dipping sauce….you HAVE to find Ponzu sauce. Look for it in the Asian section. If not, try soy with a little lemon juice but ponzu is just the best!

Freeze these fuckers and then to cook you must listen to me…don’t talk, don’t move, just listen!

Canola or vegetable oil in your frying pan. Put in potstickers, noncrimped, kinda flat side down.
Brown on 1(one)(won)(uno) side. Don’t turn!
When browned, then add in some water and steam for about 2 minutes.
Take out, put on plate, dip in sauce, fucking enjoy!

Craig’s MuthaFuckin’ Pot-godamn-stickers!

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This is a recipe for stuffed peppers that is a combination of one I got from Craig and one I read about on foodwishes.com with some of my own additions.

Peppers:

• 12 green or red peppers; cut off caps and save, remove the stem; scrape the seeds out; trim the bottoms to make the peppers level; poke knife slits in the bottom of the peppers

Stuffing:

• 3 # of raw meat (I use 2# of lean ground beef and 1 # of spicy Italian sausage, deskinned and broken up)
• 2 cups tomato (pasta) sauce (I use a good, flavorful brand with lots of spices)
• 1 cup beef broth
• 3 cups of cooked rice (I use Lundberg wild blend)
• 3 t salt
• 1 t ground black pepper
• 1/2 cup chopped Italian parsley 
• 6 cloves finely minced garlic
• 1 jalapeno pepper, chopped
• 1 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
  

Once the stuffing is well mixed, scoop it into the peppers. After that, add a generous spoonful of Parmesan cheese, then a spoonful of pasta sauce (these are in addition to what’s in the stuffing), then put a cap back on each pepper. Please do not try to match each pepper cap with its appropriate pepper body. You will only waste valuable time and look foolish.

In each pan (12 peppers means 2 baking pans in my house) add:

• 1/2 onion, thinly sliced
• 1 cup tomato (pasta) sauce in each pan
• 1/2 t red pepper flakes
  
• 1/4 cup beef broth in each pan

Put the peppers in the pans and wrap each pan in foil and cook for 1 hour at 375. Then unwrap and cook for another 20-30 minutes, until peppers are tender (wrinkly and even a little blackened on the edges). Yum!

[Certainly, this recipe could be made healthier and the flavor would probably not change at all. I doubt the cheese adds much to the already rich flavors, and broth in the stuffing is probably not necessary either. And for a more crumbly inside, I would add more rice and less meat.]

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Griswold Road Jambalaya

Although not a typical holiday dish, it became the one I looked forward to most. And given the size of the Strobbe family, my father-in-law probably tripled this recipe. The man loved to cook, but seeing others enjoy his cooking made him very happy. This past December it crossed family lines when I made it for the first time one week before Christmas. The tradition continues.

2 T. butter
1 lb. smoked pork chops, diced
1 lb. Italian sausage links, sliced about ½”
2 large white onions, chopped
2 bell peppers, chopped
2 bay leaves
1 lb. andouille sausage, sliced about ½”
½ lb. smoked ham, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
½ t. thyme
¼ t. ground clove
1 t. chili powder
1 – 10 oz. can plum tomatoes
2 c. long grain rice
2-1/2 quarts chicken stock
1 lb. small pre-cooked tail-less shrimp
1 T. Louisiana hot sauce
Salt, pepper, cayenne pepper to taste.

In a heavy 6-quart sauce pot, melt butter. Add pork, Italian sausage, onions, peppers, and bay leaves. Sauté until pork and sausage are browned and vegetables are soft. Add andouille sausage and ham and sauté 1-2 minutes. Add garlic, thyme, clove, chili powder, tomatoes and cook for 5 minutes. Add rice and chicken stock. Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer for 15 minutes. Add shrimp and hot sauce and adjust seasoning. Cook until rice is done yet still firm. Remove bay leaves. Serves 8-10.

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Curry From The Morning Of The World

I had intended to follow a specific tofu curry recipe, but when I couldn’t find black and green cardamom pods, fenugreek leaves, and coriander leaves at the store, I ended up butchering the list of ingredients. This translated into some drastic changes to the preparation. And since words like “handful,” “several,” and “some” were used to describe certain amounts, there was guesswork involved. Even so, it all turned out okay. There’s some zip here in the flavor, but not enough to send you away screaming. It’s the kind of spicy that swells after you’ve been eating for a while. Serve with basmati rice. Makes 6 servings.

2 lbs. firm tofu
4 t. olive oil
2 leek, rinsed and chopped
2 med onions, chopped
2-3 cups sugar snap peas, ends trimmed
6 cello carrots, sliced
1 med turnip, chopped
3” ginger root, minced
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 ½ cups strained tomatoes
1 ½ cups water
1 t. fennel seeds
1 t. crushed red pepper
1 t. cumin
1 ½ t. coriander powder
1 t. tumeric
½ t. ground clove
1 T. curry powder
1 ½ t. garam masala

Drain tofu, cut into ½” to 1” cubes. Gently squeeze out moisture between paper towels and set aside to dry.

Over medium heat in a large deep skillet add 2 t. of oil and chopped vegetables. Stir often. Cook until tender-crisp. Add ginger and garlic. Cook about 2 minutes and continue stirring. Add 1 cup tomatoes and ½ cup water. Add fennel, red pepper, and cumin. Cook another 2 minutes. Add coriander, tumeric, clove, curry powder and continue stirring.

In a separate hot skillet, add remaining oil and tofu. Brown all sides of tofu but don’t overcook. Combine tofu with vegetables and spices. Add remaining tomatoes and water, and garam masala. Cover and simmer about 20 minutes.

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