3 Mulligans

Why is it that if a gas station has a political/social view, it’s always on the redneck end of the spectrum? Either it’s just a store that sells gasoline and chips, or it’s a store that sells gasoline and chips and Duck Dynasty sunglasses and anti-Obama slogans. You have never walked into a gas station and looked down to see cute little rainbow flag keychains next to the chewing gum or made an impulse buy of the 64 oz travel mug with a Black power logo on it.

I was coming home from my parents’ house and stopped to buy gas before getting on the highway. I went in to pay and saw all these stickers for sale. There was the requisite series of Calvin pissing on various words like “PETA” and “Ex-Wife” and… Hullo! Here’s a new one: a pink ribbon sticker that says “Save Second Base.” Ugh, I’d love to see these men with dick leprosy and a bunch of women with bumper stickers that said “Save the Dicks! How else can my husband write his name in the winter?” Haw Haw Haw! I felt the way I often do out in the wildlands of Michigan — like someone is going to block the door and beat the shit out of me for having the ideas I do and for being dumb enough to get caught buying gas.

My Deliverance paranoia aside, why do certain businesses align the way they do? Every single person I know buys gasoline and there are a lot of liberal-minded Democrats where I live. To say that my parents’ highway gas station just sells what the people are buying ignores the fact that NO gas station I’ve ever been to in Ann Arbor sells Darwin fish or bumper stickers that say “Lower the Maximum Wage.”